I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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