Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
