I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
