Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
