Where did you get a picture of my penis
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
