I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I love you.
Bad choice
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize