Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
