Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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