I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
there is glitter all over my balls
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