so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
