Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
