i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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