It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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