My balls are so social today.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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