His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
