so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
