What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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