people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize