When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
