So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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