she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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