i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize