Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
