we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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