Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
