if only i could text you this smell
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
