I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize