Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I am available for nakedness
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
