im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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