just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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