Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
