girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
