see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The best revenge is premature balding
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
