Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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