He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
