I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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