I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
