he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
