You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
