i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
where are my eyebrows?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
