girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
