I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
