Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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