Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
