So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
