He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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