You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
