It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
