Someone shit on the floor
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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