Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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