you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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