# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
