and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
