I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
