Moan for me like Helen Keller
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
