Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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