Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Boobs speak an international language.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
