maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
