your room smells of hookers.
And success
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
