I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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