I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
that is very illegal...i love you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
