Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize