someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
