And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize