just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
