You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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