just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My penis needs a shock collar
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
