Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
