how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
