I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
