You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
