She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
