just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
