I want to walk on stilts...naked
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
