Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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