and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize