True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
there is glitter all over my balls
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
