you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize