One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
