I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
