he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
