I'm jealous of your bromance
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
