I met the friendliest cop last night
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
