...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize