Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
