how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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