Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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