How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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