I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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