Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
