Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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