can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
