tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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