It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
