Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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