what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I need moral support for this bender
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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